You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize