DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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