Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
