I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize