is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
