So drunk, too bad you don't want this
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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