I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Randomize
