you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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