i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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