i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
