what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
