I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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