All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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