He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
