I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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