Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
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