Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
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