Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
