just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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