: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
There r osticjed everywhere
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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