I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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