Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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