My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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