sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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