Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
