I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
