When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
