things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
