Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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