What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
