She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
