Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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