I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
