i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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