wat bout pragnant strippers??
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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