Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
