no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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