TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I just found a bag of teeth...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
