i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
