i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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