I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
