her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I currently don't understand fingers.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
