best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
