We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
