i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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