What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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