please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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