His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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