Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Randomize
