Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
