I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize