It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
