it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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