she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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