When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize