So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize