I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
