why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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