did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
