That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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