Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
