worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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