She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
