well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
