between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
