"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Randomize
