Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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