I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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