She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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