I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
