I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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