I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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