i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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