So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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