Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
